One step to building great relationships is learning about the other person's personality. One way to do that is through Enneagrams.
Enneagram types are a comprehensive classification of humans based on their personalities. If you are new to this model, you may want to read this article about the nine different Enneagram types before proceeding.
The Enneagram compatibility theory suggests that while all Enneagram types in their healthy form can date or be friends with whomever they wish, some combinations are better than others. This means a specific personality type will have a more robust friendship or romantic relationship with certain Enneagram types than others.
The goal of Enneagram compatibility is not to restrict whom you can forge a relationship with. Instead, it aims to help you better understand your current friends and partner. With the help of this guide, you can learn how your specific Enneagram type affects your present and future relationships.
Do keep in mind that Enneagram traits are not the only thing that can influence how we are in relationships. For example, each Enneagram has a tendency to “speak” different languages of love.
You may also want to read this article about taking care of yourself and others based on the Enneagram.
Related: Making New Friends—Surefire Ways to Build Meaningful and Healthy Friendships
Enneagram Compatibility in Friendships and Romance
The best friendships and romantic relationships are usually between individuals whose personalities complement one another. Enneagram compatibility does not necessarily follow the “likes attract and opposites repel” rule. Instead, it is founded on research, surveys, and repeated patterns over the years.
Let’s look at the nine Enneagram types and their most compatible counterparts.
Don’t know your Enneagram yet? Want to know your partner’s Enneagram type? Take this quick assessment.
The Perfectionist — Enneagram 1 Relationship Style
Goals and structure drive Perfectionists. Therefore, they appreciate partners who are reliable, punctual, and ethical. Type 1s hate tardiness, unfaithfulness, and lack of integrity in a partner.
Type 1 Relationship Strengths
- Good sense of right and wrong
- Ethical and uphold a high sense of value
- Inspiring others
Type 1 Relationship Weaknesses
- May become self-righteous, judgmental, and obsessive
- Critical of others but harder on themselves
Type 1 Relationship Fears
- Fear of making mistakes
- Fear of being corrupt
Perfect Romantic Partner for Enneagram Type 1
Enneagram 1 pairs perfectly with Type 2 (the Giver/Helper). In Type 1–Type 2 relationships, the Giver usually helps the Perfectionist achieve their goals. The Perfectionist, on the other hand, gives Type 2 the sense of security they crave.
Worst Romantic Partner for Enneagram 1
Type 4 (The Individualist / Romantic) may struggle with set targets and productivity, which may put them in a position of conflict with a Type 1 partner.
Learn what to expect when you date an Enneagram 1.
The Giver — Enneagram 2 Relationship Style
As someone who always gives out and helps, Type 2s love a partner who offers them security and appreciates their effort. They are frustrated with cold and emotionally distant people.
Type 2 Relationship Strengths
- Generous and compassionate
- Reliable
- Reciprocate love and intimacy
Type 2 Relationship Weaknesses
- Self-sacrificing to the point where they are overly accommodating
- Can come off as needy
- At the unhealthy stage, they tend to victimize themselves to get love and sympathy
Type 2 Relationship Fears
- Fear of abandonment
- Fear of not being needed
The Perfect Romantic Partner for Enneagram Type 2
Type 2 Enneagram pairs well with Type 3 (the Achiever) and Type 8 (The Protector).
In a Type 2-Type 3 relationship, the Giver offers unending love and support to their Type 3 partners. On the other hand, the Achievers help their Type 2 partner stay assertive, especially when creating boundaries with others.
In Type 2-Type 8 relationships, the Giver and the protector are not afraid to show affection, albeit at different intensities.
Worst Romantic Partner for Enneagram 2
Type 4 (The Individualist / Romantic) may abuse the generosity and affection of Type 2.
Learn what to expect when you date an Enneagram 2.
The Achievers — Enneagram 3 Relationship Style
As a success-driven individual, the Type 3 person loves people who support and challenge them at the same time. An Achiever may be frustrated with a complacent partner.
Type 3 Relationship Strengths
- High achievement and success levels
- Excellent charisma
- Motivating others
- Easily adaptable
Type 3 Relationship Weaknesses
- May come off as insensitive
- Hard to connect with on a personal level
- Pursuit of success may take the place of their partner
Type 3 Relationship Fears
Best Romantic Partner for Enneagram Type 3
Type 3 and Type 7 (The Adventurer) form great partnerships. As they chase different highs, they may find a lasting connection in their adventurous and competitive personalities. Type 7 also helps Type 3 loosen up, while the Achiever helps the Adventurer develop a better sense of focus.
Worst Romantic Partner for Enneagram 3
Type 3 and Type 9 (The Peacemaker) may not form the perfect pair. The Achiever may find Peacemakers to be lazy and dismissive. Type 9, on the other hand, may find the Achievers insensitive and overwhelming.
Learn what to expect when you date an Enneagram 3.
The Individualist — Enneagram 4 Relationship Style
The Type 4 Enneagrams are known for their creative and sensitive nature. While some theorists call the group “the romantics,” it’s not necessarily referring to how they are in relationships, but rather it’s a similarity to the traits of the romanticism movement in history. They love partners and friends who have deep conversations with them. They dislike inattentiveness and dismissive attitude in a partner.
Type 4 Relationship Strengths
- Talented and highly creative
- Have a clear sense of identity
- Can easily stand out in a room of people
- Can connect with people on a deep, emotional level
Type 4 Relationship Weaknesses
- While it is easy for them to attract a partner, Type 4s often struggle to keep a relationship
- Easily moody and depressed
- Require an intense level of connection to feel loved and seen
Type 4 Relationship Fears
- Fear of being ordinary
- Fear of being neglected
Best Romantic Partner for Enneagram Type 4
Type 4s and Type 5s (Investigators) form a beautiful partnership. The Individualist will find a deep connection with the Observer. They will enjoy rich and in-depth conversations while respecting each other's boundaries.
Worst Romantic Partner for Enneagram 4
While Type 2 (the Giver/Helper) and Type 5 may form a beautiful connection at first, it gets exhausting trying to keep up with the emotional needs of one another.
Learn what to expect when you date an Enneagram 4.
The Investigator — Enneagram 5 Relationship Style
As someone curious about life, the Investigator (also known as Observers) tends to do lots of deep thinking and sometimes overthinking. They love partners and friends who are competent, non-judgmental, and can respect their personal space. On the other hand, they may have problems with loud and nosy friends and partners.
Type 5 Relationship Strengths
- Knowledgeable and wise
- Deep and analytical view of life
- Enjoy their own company
Type 5 Relationship Weaknesses
- They may appear emotionally unavailable.
- Detest sounding foolish, preventing them from pursuing more profound relationships with others.
- Enjoy their personal space so much that letting others in is hard
Type 5 Relationship Fears
- Fear of losing their autonomy
Best Romantic Partner for Enneagram Type 5
Type 5 pairs perfectly with Type 1 (Perfectionist). In Type 5–Type 1 relationships, the Type 1 partner will appreciate the independent and intellectual nature of Type 5. The Investigator, on the other hand, will appreciate the boundaries and structures of Type 1.
Worst Romantic Partner for Enneagram 5
Type 8 and Type 5 may not form an impressive couple because the Challenger (Protector) may become too overwhelming for the Investigator (Observer).
Learn what to expect when you date an Enneagram 5.
The Skeptic — Enneagram 6 Relationship Style
The Type 6 Enneagrams are known for their calculative-ness and need to plan their way through life. They love consistency, trustworthiness, and kindness in a partner. They do not appreciate people with an air of uncertainty.
Type 6 Relationship Strengths
- Trustworthy and loyal
- Responsible individuals
- Can foresee problems and find the best solutions
Type 6 Relationship Weaknesses
- Often anxious and overthinking
- Can come off as paranoid
- Find it hard to trust people, but when they do, they are the most loyal person in your corner
Type 6 Relationship Fears
- Fear of being used and manipulated
Best Romantic Partner for Enneagram Type 6
Type 9 (the Peacemakers) and Type 6 individuals usually form the best pairs. They are both trustworthy and offer each other stability.
Worst Romantic Partner for Enneagram 6
Type 6 may not form a great partnership with Type 3 (Achiever) or Type 1 (Perfectionist). They may feel neglected by these individuals and find it hard to trust their motives.
Learn what to expect when you date an Enneagram 6.
The Enthusiast — Enneagram 7 Relationship Style
Type 7s are fun and passionate romantic partners. Enthusiasts have also earned the label of "Adventurer” because of how they approach life, which carries over into their relationships. They love to explore all that their love interests have to offer. They also cherish supportiveness in both friendship and romantic relationships. On the other hand, they detest pessimism and negativity.
Type 7 Relationship Strengths
- Fun, loving, and cheerful
- Always see the bright side of things
- Love meeting new people
- Hard to feel lonely around them
Type 7 Relationship Weaknesses
- Cope with life through spontaneous adventure, often never facing issues
- Can come off as reckless
- May struggle with commitment
Type 7 Relationship Fears
- Fear of being trapped in a relationship
Best Romantic Partner for Enneagram Type 7
Type 7-Type 5 relationships tend to do well, providing a balance for each partner. Type 5 (the Investigator / Observer) brings calmness to the life of an adventurous person. In return, Type 7 encourages the Investigator to be more adventurous.
Worst Romantic Partner for Enneagram 7
The free-willed, spontaneous Type 7 may find it hard to cope with the seriousness of Type 1 (Perfectionist).
Learn what to expect when you date an Enneagram 7.
The Challenger — Enneagram 8 Relationship Style
Type 8 is one Enneagram that knows its worth and is not ashamed to face conflicts head-on, especially in defense of others. Leaders, by nature, Challengers love partners with integrity and value, and they detest oppressive traits in people.
Type 8 Relationship Strengths
- Reliable
- Self-confident and assertive
- Know how to make tough decisions
- Strong sense of self-worth
Type 8 Relationship Weaknesses
- At their unhealthy stage, they may come off as domineering and controlling
- Find it hard to acknowledge that they need help
- Impulsiveness
Type 8 Relationship Fears
- Fear of being manipulated or treated unjustly
- Fear of betrayal
Best Romantic Partner for Enneagram Type 8
The Type 9s (Peacemakers) bring the perfect balance to the life of Type 8. The Challenger helps the Peacemakers to be more confrontational. They also learn that it's better to let things slide sometimes.
Worst Romantic Partner for Enneagram 8
Type 5 (the Investigator) and Type 8s may find it difficult to trust each other deeply.
Learn what to expect when you date an Enneagram 8.
The Peacemaker — Enneagram 9 Relationship Style
As the harmonious Enneagram, these individuals value supportiveness and optimism in a partner. True mediators, Enneagram 9s try as much as possible to avoid conflict, so they wouldn't want a partner who is manipulative or controlling.
Type 9 Relationship Strengths
- Pleasant
- Ability to understand people’s perspective
- Open-minded
- Calm
- Easily adaptable
Type 9 Relationship Weaknesses
- Prone to passive-aggressive behavior as they continue to let things slide
- May get comfortable in toxic relationships
Type 9 Relationship Fears
- Fear of being judged for their opinions
Best Romantic Partner for Enneagram Type 9
Type 1 (Perfectionists) usually make a great partner for a Type 9. They help them be more assertive and outspoken while enjoying the peace and calmness that exudes from the Type 9s.
Worst Romantic Partner for Enneagram 9
Type 9s and Type 6s (Skeptics) may not be the best romantic relationship. The Peacemaker may find the Skeptic unnerving while the skeptic, their peacemaking attitude ingenuine.
Learn what to expect when you date an Enneagram 9.
Frequently Asked Questions about Enneagram Compatibility
As you strive to build stronger and deeper connections with friends and lovers, you may have questions about how your personality types affect the quality of these relationships. You should know that everything is flexible regarding Enneagram compatibility. A relationship's outcome mainly depends on the resilience of the individuals involved.
Nevertheless, below are some answers to frequently asked questions on Enneagram compatibility based on surveys and studies carried out over the years.
What Enneagram types make good couples?
In the book, The Enneagram in Love and Work, Helen Palmer highlights some common Enneagram couples. Any two Enneagram types in their healthy state can make great partners with proper understanding and communication. However, there are combinations that stand out the most in terms of how well their traits complement one another.
Here are some of the most compatible Enneagram partnerships:
- Type 1s make good couples with Type 2, Type 5, and Type 9 partners.
- Type 2s make good couples with Type 1, Type 3, and Type 8 partners.
- Type 3s make good couples with Type 2 and Type 7 partners.
- Type 4s make a good couple with a Type 5 partner.
- Type 5s make good couples with Type 1, Type 4, and Type 7 partners.
- Type 6s make good couples with Type 6 and 9 partners.
- Type 7s make good couples with Type 3 and Type 5 partners.
- Type 8s make good couples with Type 2 and Type 9 partners.
- Type 9s make good couples with Type 1 and Type 6 partners.
Which Enneagram is most likely to be single?
According to many surveys, there are more consciously single Type 5s than any other Enneagram. It is primarily due to their inability to trust and connect with others easily. They also feel the safest with themselves.
What is the most common Enneagram couple?
The most common Enneagram couple of the Type 8 man (Challenger/Protector) and the Type 2 woman (Giver/Helper).
What Enneagram is least compatible?
Type 1 (Perfectionists) and Type 7 (Enthusiasts) have opposite personalities. While opposites may attract, there are many differences between these two Enneagrams. It will take a lot of effort to make things work.
What is the hardest Enneagram to get along with?
It takes effort to please and get along with the Type 1 Enneagram. They work with strict rules and expect everyone around them to adjust.
Which Enneagram type is a hopeless romantic?
Type 4 (the Individualist) is the most romantic Enneagram. They love the concept of love and long for deep connections with others.
Which Enneagram type likes to be alone?
Type 5 (The Investigator / Observer) cherishes their own company and can do well even without friends.
Which Enneagram types are codependent?
Enneagram Type 2 is often codependent with the other types. They need to give or help out to feel accomplished.
Which Enneagram makes the best friend?
While each Enneagram type can be a good friend, Type 2s stand out. They are natural caregivers and go the extra mile to support their friends.
What Enneagram has commitment issues?
Type 7s struggle with commitment the most. It is because of their innate fear of being trapped where they don’t want to be.
