Navigating relationships can be challenging, especially when your friend, boss, or romantic partner leaves you feeling confused, unappreciated, and manipulated. If you frequently experience feelings of insecurity and unworthiness, it’s important to recognize that you may be dealing with a narcissist.
When we describe people with narcissistic behavior, we refer to those who consistently display unacceptable behaviors. These actions have one goal: glorifying themselves while undermining your self-worth and mental well-being.
These behaviors are not just difficult to handle—they are designed to manipulate and control. Understanding the complexities of narcissistic behavior, including the subtle traits of a covert narcissist, is essential for safeguarding your mental health. By recognizing these patterns, you can take proactive steps to protect yourself and maintain your emotional resilience.
This article addresses a question many people face: How do you deal with a narcissist?
Our goal is to equip you with practical strategies to navigate these challenging dynamics, empowering you to protect your well-being, build mental strength, and take control of your interactions.
If you are experiencing any form of physical or emotional abuse, including narcissistic abuse, please reach out to a crisis helpline or support hotline and seek help.
Dealing with Narcissism: 11 Strategies for Surviving a Narcissist
Dealing with a narcissist requires firm boundaries and emotional resilience. Understanding their behavior is rooted in self-interest, not in your actions, and is key to protecting your mental health.
Nowadays, it seems that many of us encounter a narcissist at some point in our lives. Whether romantically involved with a narcissistic partner or dealing with a family member with narcissistic traits, one clear indication is their complete disregard for your feelings and interests. A lack of empathy is one of the hallmark traits of narcissists.
For others, the challenge might stem from having narcissistic parents. Growing up with a narcissistic parent has been empirically proven to be very hurtful and challenging. Depending on the severity of the personality disorder in parents, children of narcissists are more vulnerable to anxiety disorders, depression, or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), according to researchers.
Many of us are also bound to meet a narcissist at work. In toxic work environments, narcissists often take credit for team successes while deflecting blame for any failures. Covert narcissists can be especially hard to identify, as they mask their grandiosity behind a façade of humility or sensitivity.
Pathological narcissism, characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, is more than just difficult behavior—it is a mental health condition. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is officially recognized as a personality disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), and understanding it is crucial for your well-being.
Narcissists thrive on admiration and often react negatively to criticism or negative feedback. This makes it essential to approach interactions with a strategy. So, how do you handle a narcissist and remain self-assured?
Below, we offer practical tips for handling a narcissist and navigating these turbulent relationships.
1. Set Clear Boundaries
The very first thing to do when dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies is to stand firm. You need to set clear boundaries when dealing with a narcissist. Why?
Narcissistic individuals will always put their own needs first, second, and last. As a result, they do not shy away from bad behavior, because the end justifies means. Clear boundaries mean unambiguously defining what behaviors you will not tolerate and communicating this firmly. For example, you can say, “I will not engage in conversations where I am being belittled. If this happens, I will walk away.”
Healthy boundaries are crucial for your well-being, mental health, and quality of life, according to a 2024 systematization of existing knowledge in this field.
2. Avoid Personalization
The most powerful tool to protect yourself from the psychological effects of dealing with a narcissist is to understand that their behavior is a reflection of them, not you. It’s crucial not to take things personally.
Narcissists often engage in projection, attributing their own insecurities and negative traits to others. This defense mechanism allows them to deflect their flaws and maintain their self-image. Psychoanalyst Henry A. Murray, who extensively studied personality psychology, explained that narcissism often validates defensive attitudes, using others to focus their anger and projections.
When a narcissist attacks or manipulates you, remind yourself, “This is their pattern; it’s not a reflection of my worth.” This mindset helps you maintain your self-esteem and emotional balance.
Understand that narcissists are inherently self-centered, and their actions are driven by their own issues, not your shortcomings. So, remain calm and return their projections back to where they belong.
3. Communicate with 'I' Messages
Communicating with a narcissist can be challenging.
Using "I" messages is an effective way to express your feelings and needs without triggering defensiveness in the narcissist. By focusing on your own experience rather than criticizing or blaming the other person, you can communicate assertively while maintaining your emotional boundaries.
For example, instead of saying, "You always ignore what I say," try, "I feel unheard when my opinions aren’t acknowledged." This shifts the focus from blame to how the situation affects you, making it harder for the narcissist to deflect or attack.
Remember, using "I" messages not only helps manage the conversation but also reinforces your right to have your feelings acknowledged.
4. Practice Detachment
Emotionally distance yourself from promises narcissists make, personal attacks, and erratic emotional reactions narcissistic personalities tend to have. The concept of emotional detachment in psychology is considered a factor that can help individuals maintain mental health in toxic environments.
Creating a distance and an imaginary shield will protect your well-being when dealing with a narcissist. For example, mentally repeat a mantra like “I am peaceful and detached” before and during interactions with them. Mindfulness meditation can gradually facilitate the detachment you need.
5. Document Interactions
One handy strategy for handling a narcissistic person is keeping a record of your interactions. Document the date and time of exchanged messages and summaries of significant conversations and incidents.
Such practice is essential if the narcissist is a colleague or in a legal situation. For example, individuals with vulnerable narcissism are likely to interpret even the slightest criticism as an insult and initiate actions against you instead of owning up to their own faults. If needed, a detailed record will help you clarify the situation with your superiors or institutions.
However, even if this is not the case and you do not have a direct confrontation with a narcissist, a diary of what truly happened will help you see more clearly through the situation. It will help you not be manipulated by the person’s narcissistic characteristics.
6. Turn to Trusted Friends or a Mental Health Professional
Creating a healthy support system can be a crucial step when figuring out how to handle narcissists effectively.
Dealing with a narcissist on your own could expose you to narcissistic abuse and other adversities. They are prone to gaslighting and other manipulative tactics. Being alone in that experience could easily deprive you of a stable sense of yourself and your worth. Low self-esteem is a common byproduct of having a narcissist close.
Therefore, talk to trusted friends, a family member, or a therapist about your experiences and feelings. Seek professional help from a licensed mental health counselor or support groups to navigate this relationship safely. Social support buffers the negative effects of stress and improves resilience.
Depression and anxiety are common outcomes of prolonged exposure to narcissistic abuse, and it’s important to watch for signs such as persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, or feelings of hopelessness. If you notice these symptoms, especially if they interfere with your daily life, seeking help becomes even more crucial.
Early intervention can prevent the worsening of mental health issues and help you regain your emotional balance and strength.
7. Educate Yourself on Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Learn about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to better understand their behavior and develop effective strategies. BrainManager’s article on narcissistic tendencies is a good place to start.
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a grandiose sense of self, self-importance, a need for constant praise, and a belief in deserving special treatment.
A study conducted in cooperation with over 1,200 psychologists revealed that there are three subtypes of narcissistic personality disorder: vulnerable narcissists, grandiose narcissism, and high-functioning/exhibitionistic subtype.
Psychoeducation on the nuances of the disorder could help you develop effective coping strategies and even healthier relationships with narcissists.
8. Limit Interaction
Although it may not always be possible to cut ties with narcissistic people in your life, you can try to minimize the time and situations where you have to interact with them. If possible, opt out of social gatherings where the narcissist will be present. Help your mutual friends understand why you skipped the gatherings to avoid misunderstandings and offending someone.
When you set boundaries as described above, it will further help with limiting interactions with people with a narcissistic personality disorder. Even if you are in the same place, you are not obligated to be reactive to their attention-seeking behavior.
Again, in situations you cannot avoid, mindfulness was found to reduce stress arising from relationship conflicts.
9. Be Prepared for Gaslighting
A narcissist has a single goal — to tend to their own needs and desires. Narcissistic personality disorder goes hand in hand with manipulation.
Gaslighting may be one of their favorites because it helps them preserve the image of a wonderful and superior person while working on their selfish goals. In gaslighting, you miraculously end up taking the blame for whatever might be wrong in your relationship. Narcissists love this tool for instilling self-doubt, degrading your self-image, and stumping out your self-esteem.
Recognize and resist manipulative tactics aimed at making you doubt your reality. Do not get dragged into mind games and emotional abuse a narcissist will try for.
Studies on interpersonal manipulation indicate that awareness and the ability to counterargue (internally or externally) are critical in managing and mitigating its psychological effects.
10. Protect Your Self-Esteem
Protecting your self-esteem is vital when dealing with a narcissist because their behavior can often be demeaning, manipulative, and invalidating. Narcissists tend to erode the self-worth of those around them, whether through overt criticism or more subtle forms of emotional manipulation like gaslighting.
Here are some things you can do to stay strong:
Cultivate Positive Self-Talk
Counteract the negative impact of narcissistic behavior by consciously affirming your worth and strengths. Replace any internalized negative messages with positive affirmations. For example, regularly remind yourself, “I am deserving of respect and love.”
Focus on Your Achievements
Keep a journal of your accomplishments and moments of pride. When your self-esteem takes a hit due to the narcissist’s behavior, revisit these entries to reaffirm your value and competence.
Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
Engage with people who uplift you and reinforce your sense of self-worth. Their positive reinforcement can serve as a buffer against the narcissist’s negativity.
Engage in Activities that Build Confidence
Invest time in hobbies, skills, and pursuits that you enjoy and that make you feel competent and fulfilled. This focus on your own growth and joy can help you maintain a strong sense of self-esteem despite the challenges of dealing with a narcissist.
11. Develop an Exit Strategy
If the relationship is severely impacting your well-being, plan a way to safely distance yourself from the narcissist or exit the relationship. If you are in immediate danger and undergoing abusive behavior, please reach out to the authorities or local helplines.
Gradually reduce your dependence on the narcissist and seek legal advice if necessary to ensure a smooth transition. The latter is especially fruitful if the narcissist threatens you in any way (to cause harm to themselves, you, or others). Whether they are idle threats or not, be prepared. Create a safety plan with trusted and supportive people in your life, including legal and mental health professionals.
You deserve healthy relationships and freedom from narcissistic abuse. Ensure you get the emotional support you need while you are restoring self-esteem after dealing with a narcissist. Practicing self-care is crucial in your recovery.
Dealing with a Narcissist Is Challenging But Possible
Dealing with a person who exhibits narcissistic characteristics can be a draining experience. However, understanding narcissistic personality disorder equips you with the knowledge to protect your self-esteem and well-being.
When you are in touch with a narcissist, dealing with them effectively requires patience, clear boundaries, and sometimes a trusted mental health professional’s support. Seeking guidance from a professional can provide valuable strategies and emotional support.
Remember, learning how to deal with a narcissist is a journey toward reclaiming your peace and confidence.
Take the first step today by drawing the line and reclaiming control over your thoughts and emotions. Explore BrainManager’s resources on the art of calm or mindset and its power to make seismic shifts in your life.
When to Seek Professional Help
While the strategies outlined in this article can help manage interactions with a narcissist, there are times when professional help is essential. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, those exposed to severe emotional abuse are at an increased risk of developing serious mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
If you find yourself constantly doubting your reality, experiencing chronic stress, symptoms of depression such as persistent sadness or hopelessness, or feeling trapped in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s crucial to seek the assistance of a licensed mental health professional.
Therapy can play a vital role in rebuilding self-esteem and developing effective coping strategies. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and an important step towards reclaiming your mental well-being.
